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Much has changed for "life as we know it" over the last 3 decades. We have all sorts of technological advancements to prolong life, enable communication and preserve foodstuff so that it can be shipped to/from exotic places from/to anywhere in the world, no matter how long the journey. We also have ever-changing morality so that some things that were previously tabboo are now ok and vice versa. Fortunately some things stay the same, no matter what...

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Life in the left lane

Driving can still be fun.

You could easily be forgiven for assuming that mankind has finally reached its peak output of motor vehicle manufacturing when driving any of Johannesburg's main arterial highways these days. The fact that no progress seems possible at any time of day through the Gillooly's Interchange surely shows that we now drastically need to rethink transport, having clogged up the lifelines that feed this province?

Join me, if you will, on a brief journey, beginning with climbing onto a Johannesburg highway, using any typical on-ramp.

Before too long we may encounter a truck in the far left lane, and thus move over to the middle lane for overtaking (if someone else will show us the courtesy of allowing us in...), and not much further after that we will no doubt need to move in to the fast lane to get past one of the pocket rockets being driven nowhere slowly (and - incidentally - probably being overtaken on the left by the truck we previously passed) in the middle lane.

And there we sit. Trailing in the wake of humanity that has been forced to travel in the fast lane by the inconsideration of the abusers of the remainder of the available tarmac.

My father puts it well....

"I travel at my speed, in my lane" Me. Me. Me.

Once upon a time we had a golden rule that said "Keep left. Pass right."

I have seen this rule in action in the United Kingdom where they have 4 times as many vehicles as we do, squeezed into a little less than a quarter of the space we have.

Not only do they courteously allow other road users in to their lanes, but they also keep left and only move to the right when absolutely necessary... and it works!!!

Traffic actually FLOWS there!!!

Now, you may think that the purpose of this article is to complain about the idiots that bring our traffic flow to its knees by taking up precious space in a self-absorbed daze of stupidity and incompetence, and yes - you'd be partly correct.

These morons should be put against a wall, and shot.

But - and it's a big BUT - because of these genetically dysfunctional road "users", driving on Johannesburg's highways at any time outside of peak traffic hours (and sometimes even just bordering on those times) can be ludicrously enjoyable fun, in the same way that bagging the lightning photo you waited all summer to catch, can be ludicrously enjoyable fun.

I don't have the fastest, most terribly good looking car on the road, but that really doesn't matter. She has rear-wheel drive coupled with extremely agile handling, and I know exactly where in her torque band she likes to be tickled.

This means that I keep her at near-climax for pretty much all of the time I spend on the highways with her, and it also means that she kicks up her skirts and dances like a diva whenever I press the pedal and say "let's go, baby!"

...And she so loves to dance.

Because of her, and because of the fact that I love living life sideways, I'm one of those people that cuts and changes lanes like Paris Hilton changes headlines. I go whizzing past the middle-lane hogs, gently slicing their front three quarter in a symphony of pistons and straining suspension, with microns separating their paintwork and mine. Why? Because I can. And because just maybe they'll think twice about venturing out of the lanes they belong in, in future. I come roaring up into the review mirror of comatose fast lane hogs and never flash lights or hoot. That's for people who want to get into a fight. Me? I want to get from A to B, and I want to do it NOW. So instead, I'll patiently wait for that middle, or left lane opening and then do some F16 fighter pilot dives and rolls to position myself for the next bombing run.

I love the sensation of a car that feels like an extension of my body. I love the driving position. I love the G-forces. And I love the fact that I can find so much tarmac to play with - while the rest, like lemmings, can see nothing but the tail and the smelly bits of the lemming in front of them.

I'm perfectly aware of the fact that driving on Johannesburg highways is not the same as racing a tricked out car in NFS, or Grand Theft Auto.

It's better.

Because it's real, because the thrill is greater, because today there are potholes on a stretch of road where there were none yesterday, and because it takes real skill - and isn't reliant on pre-programmed responses to pre-defined situations.

So go on, I say. Keep driving selfishly. Keep defying the only real cardinal rule of the road, and stay out of the left lane. You are what turns getting from Point A to Point B, FAST, into a greater technical challenge. In short - you are what makes driving fun.

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